her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
