Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
