i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
