She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
