I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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