mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This house was built for laser tag.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
