dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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