if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
