Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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