I wish you could order shots online.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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