You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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