she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
