she was so not down for the gang bang
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
