I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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