i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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