I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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