He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
