just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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