btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
