I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
