Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
