i used baking grease as lip gloss
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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