i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's shark week go big or go home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
