You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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