just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're too hungover to prance.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
