Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i need some magic done to my vagina
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
