wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
