he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
