I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
