Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
