theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
