I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
