Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
