I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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