This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He did a backflip because drugs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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