omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
