He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
