Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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