you would pick up someone in the library
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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