Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
