i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
