I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
