Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
