We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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