I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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