For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
