He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There are leaves in my underwear?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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