I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
