soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
