I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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