butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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