I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
