'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
