Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
