question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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