You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
