so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
