I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
