I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
